Moments like this are so few and far between. I've finally gotten the baby to sleep, and instead of doing the things I should be doing like straightening up, putting dishes away, etc I'm typing out an entry for someone to read.
It's tough having a baby. I'm sure it goes without saying, but there are so many things you aren't ready for. People say, "Oh the hard times will make it worth it." I hope they're right, because there are plenty of hard times to go around lately it seems like.
People tell you so many things when you have a kid. "Oh they grow up so fast. You'll miss these times." Really? I doubt it. The crying for some unknown reason, changing diapers, praying the baby will sleep for a few hours at a time, not being able to do all the things you used to love doing, having your whole life turned upside down. No, I doubt I'll miss that.
Don't get it twisted, I love my daughter. But I really love seeing her grow and get a little bit more independant. Yeah I know, she's only 5 months old, but each little step she takes to becoming her own person is so crazy to me. I mean she changes every day. That's the coolest thing about having a kid to me. Just watching them grow. I don't care that she's getting bigger, I want her to get older, so we can talk about things and interact with each other more than we do now. I want her to tell me what's wrong, not just when she's crying but I look forward to helping her out with her problems as long as she'll let me. I can't wait for her to try new things, meet people, go places, and do things that maybe I never had the opportunity to do or was too afraid to do. I want her to live her life, and to try and correct some of the mistakes that were made during my childhood.
Kids are crazy. They change your life in so many ways, good and bad. I'm not even ready to grow up, and now there is this person who really depends on me. I want to sit her down and be like "Look sometimes I can hardly take care of myself kid. So we are just going to have to work through this one together and hope for the best."
I worry about the kind of parent I'm going to be. I worry so much about letting her down, I don't want her to be disappointed in me. It's scarry. Usually I could give two shits what anyone thinks, but I worry about what she'll think 10 or 15 years from now about the things that happen now.
I could go on forever. I guess anyone with a kid could.
2 comments:
she's beautiful. and the fact that you worry about what she'll think shows you respect her. she cant ask for a better daddy than that. :)
jay...you have made me so proud. for real. you've come so far from the asshole i first befriended. (kidding...kidding) please call me some time when my phone doesn't suck. we for real need to hang out so at the very least we can make fun of one another for having kids. when the hell did this happen?
Post a Comment