Keep your hands up.

When I have a good day in class, there's nothing better. When I have a bad day in class, there's nothing worse.
When I was a kid I tried all kinds of sports. I played soccer, which I sucked at. I played basketball, where I was too small for my age group. Spud Webb I am not. I wrestled. Wow don't even get me started about that one. Let's just say the only match I won was one in which the other guy didn't show up. That's right, my only win was a forefit. I was on the swim team. I do love to swim, but not on a team. I mean have you seen what the kids on the swim team have to wear? Speedos son, speedos. I won't be posting any pictures of portly, awkward yours truly wearing a banana hammock any time soon, in case you were wondering.
Now, I've found something that I really enjoy doing. I'm not going to sit here and pretend for 5 seconds I know all the ins and outs of the sport, but I wouldn't consider myself a total n00B.
Today was just one of those days I guess. I let all the external pressures of life get to me, and it showed during class. There's nothing to do but shake it off and go in there on Thursday and try to do better.
It's just shitty when you are sucking, and you know you are sucking, and no matter what you can't seem to do anything about it.
Happens to the best of us I guess.

Stolen moments.

Moments like this are so few and far between. I've finally gotten the baby to sleep, and instead of doing the things I should be doing like straightening up, putting dishes away, etc I'm typing out an entry for someone to read.
It's tough having a baby. I'm sure it goes without saying, but there are so many things you aren't ready for. People say, "Oh the hard times will make it worth it." I hope they're right, because there are plenty of hard times to go around lately it seems like.
People tell you so many things when you have a kid. "Oh they grow up so fast. You'll miss these times." Really? I doubt it. The crying for some unknown reason, changing diapers, praying the baby will sleep for a few hours at a time, not being able to do all the things you used to love doing, having your whole life turned upside down. No, I doubt I'll miss that.
Don't get it twisted, I love my daughter. But I really love seeing her grow and get a little bit more independant. Yeah I know, she's only 5 months old, but each little step she takes to becoming her own person is so crazy to me. I mean she changes every day. That's the coolest thing about having a kid to me. Just watching them grow. I don't care that she's getting bigger, I want her to get older, so we can talk about things and interact with each other more than we do now. I want her to tell me what's wrong, not just when she's crying but I look forward to helping her out with her problems as long as she'll let me. I can't wait for her to try new things, meet people, go places, and do things that maybe I never had the opportunity to do or was too afraid to do. I want her to live her life, and to try and correct some of the mistakes that were made during my childhood.
Kids are crazy. They change your life in so many ways, good and bad. I'm not even ready to grow up, and now there is this person who really depends on me. I want to sit her down and be like "Look sometimes I can hardly take care of myself kid. So we are just going to have to work through this one together and hope for the best."
I worry about the kind of parent I'm going to be. I worry so much about letting her down, I don't want her to be disappointed in me. It's scarry. Usually I could give two shits what anyone thinks, but I worry about what she'll think 10 or 15 years from now about the things that happen now.
I could go on forever. I guess anyone with a kid could.

A little flavor for the non-believers

Wow. The last time I posted was March 22nd. That's just sad. Completely pathetic. I can't believe I still tell people I post on this thing.
I'm making a comeback. I guess it's not too hard to make a comeback when you were never that popular to begin with.
The kid has been doing a lot of shit, hustles here and there to make some dough, yard work, and tons of internet surfing. Why in the fuck couldn't I pop this thing off with a little update every now and then I wonder? Laziness I guess.
Anyway, I'm going to get better. I felt like I heard the creak of a door and had to brush cobwebs away when I put my password in. From now on there'll be something at least once a week, probably more. Shit you will probably get sick of me before too long. I guess we'll see.